The wave. One of my biggest learnings from the past almost four decades has been that everyone ha them. It’s not always easy to identify what caused it. But we all get hit, knocked off our feet, with just the wave of feeling alone. Sad. Lost. Weary. Broken.

Well, today is that day. But the reach out is hard to do when you don’t know if the hand that’s offered will take yours. I mean, already feeling down for reasons you’re not completely sure of, doesn’t need rejection added to it. Often I’ll think of someone who I know would…

Are you really doing this?

I asked myself over and over.

A couple more weeks of virtual school and being inspired by the idea of working from anywhere and not being restrained anywhere (even if being on a team mostly in Seattle, this was already the case). I had to take this once in a lifetime (hopefully) opportunity to do work on the road while Cai did school on the road.

Cai has been clamoring to camp with me for a while now. I know we’ve camped when he was younger. But dammit I just can’t remember. What’s a childhood…

Here it is.

This month would have been 15 years of marriage. The next post will highlight a little more where I am with some of this in a pretty incredible way. But I’ll just add this before reading about my divorce. It got better. A hell of a lot better. Sometimes you say that but don’t really believe it. It will get better.

I took this picture below on October 2, just a few weeks ago. It marked a time where I was able to tell myself…

This is how it was supposed to be.

I’ll share more about…

Since my shower thoughts that prompt most of these are now coming from a different place, one that’s single guy and not struggling to make something work, I’ve got a whole new area to write about.

But I definitely don’t intend or expect to spend a lot of headspace on changing that. After my last breakup I went two ways and settled somewhere in the middle. The first was to get over that relationship by getting out there and dating as much as I could. Which included redownloading those fucking apps. So I went on the big 3, Hinge, Tinder…

The views of Big Sur on our right made it hard to focus on where I needed to go and nearly passed it with Cai almost asleep next to me. I slowed towards our hotel destination on the left, pulling into a steep hotel drive that shared the view. Out our room’s window, through tall luscious trees, we could see a stunning moody scene at the beach. The sound of waves crashing into the cliffside were all I needed.

As we unpacked for our one night (we never stayed at one place longer than a night) I put on Taylor…

This past week I had someone over and Cai was being obnoxious. Like, frustratingly attention-seeking and obnoxious. Would not give me a minute to a conversation and the best I could do is walk away with him for our own conversation about respect and hissing (I swear he’s a cat or a vampire).

I was told going back into my conversation that I should be doing more, not let my kid be in control and that his behavior wasn’t acceptable.

I get it. Might not even disagree. But…

I reminded them that while I wasn’t going to awkwardly call him…

Hard times don’t stop when you’re healthy.

The beginning of my journey to being a healthy person started with my physical health. At my worst my first inclination is as always a drink. That temporary relief from a soothing bourbon would settle me down and help me forget, for just one night. What sweet relief.

The way I know I’ve grown in my mental and emotional health is that when hard times come, my first inclination is getting outside with a good walk or run or getting sweaty slinging around some weights.

It’s amazing what can happen when your mind…

Six Lanes. Four Runners.

The Austin High School track, of course! Walking around the lake made me realize that about 80% of those people just don’t care about this pandemic. So I resolved myself to still be outdoors, still get some cardio in, but in a safe space. This would do it.

I felt a gust of wind fly by me. One of those four people just had to go in the lane next to me, even as I was in the far lane of six. Are you fucking kidding me right now?

the new accessory to take on exploration walks

There has never been a time in…

I know. I took a whole year off and I’m posting maybe once a month.

Well, a lot has happened this year. 2020 was supposed to be super cool. I mean, come on, 2020. We all high high hopes for that number.

It’s done nothing but disappoint. I left 2019 on top of the world. I had a hot girlfriend, was killing it at work (still am) could walk outside, breath the fresh air, also I got a break from my amazing, beautiful, hilarious and life-changing son at least 8 HOURS A DAY.

Damn you coronavirus.

I have been so…

Expectations. If I have accurate expectations, a shitty outcome can be a great outcome.

I’ve always been a planner. I’ve talked about it on here before. The day after my birthday I would be planning my next year’s party. I don’t know if I planned my own birthday parties as a teenager because no one else did. Or no one else did because they knew there was no point because I had something already in mind. I have very particular expectations. I’ve always valued consistency and steadfastness. When things deviate from how that are supposed to be, I’m left…disappointed.


Cam Cheline

Dad. Designer. Doer of fitness type things.

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